Tuesday, March 04, 2014
7:26 PM Y
Learn to cherish, before it's late
♥ You'll never know the real me.
It's has been real long, since I last blogged. A lots of things happened. My grandma(Father's side) passed away recently. On the 26 Feb 2014, my grandma left. Just like my dad, my grandma did not mention anything before she left, she passed away in SGH. I was working halfway and intended to take half day leave on that day to visit her in the hospital, but little did I expect, I received a call at 10 am, telling me my grandma decease. I burst out of tears in my office and told my boss abt my loss. My boss helped me to call for cab and I return home straight away. On 2 Mar, my grandma funeral ends, everyone's was sad. On 3 Mar, went to pick my grandma bone, and she was placed at An le shan zhuang, with my dad, and my grandpa was put tgt with my grandma. Well...I felt so stressed recently, I have finally walked out of being lonely, being the person who secretly admired someone that I can nv have for 10 yrs plus. The full story was, I was dating with this guy, LSW(initial) . We start to chat on fb on 8 Apr 2012, go out tgt on May 2012, and start to try on dating on 1 Jan 2013. For a yr and 2 days, 3 Jan 2014, I agreed to officially be his gf. Though we quarrel quite often on year 2013, but he still doted on me. Just dunno what the hell was happening, on the year of 2014, things started to changed. It's only Mar of the year, we alrdy quarrel till very jialat for a few times. I already dunno how to maintain this rs. I also dunno what had caused all these unnecessary quarrel. I can't imagine hw it gonna be in future if we dun resolve this problem. My family is also one of the problem for my rs. They always ask me to look properly. They always hav something to say abt my bf. I don't understand why. I am not saying my bf hav no negative side. But, I believe he hav his positive side as well. It's like fate is making a fun of us, my family just can read the gd side of him. Especially since my jie new bf entered into my family. They became worst, they became bias. I have my own eyes to see what's right, what's wrong, who's right, who's wrong. They can say I am blinded by lov, but I am clear I am not. I tell the situation to my friend, to one of my cousin, and their comment giv me more confident to say I am not. My jie bf is more older, he noe hw to speak, how to act. My bf don't. He also don't have car, don't earn much. Me and my bf are getting tired, initially he requested me to giv him 3 days, to think and sort things out, I told him to make it 1 week, and so..we give each other 1 week time to be alone. To see if we are really still impt to each other. Nobody noe, only me and him. Today is the 2nd day, I started to miss him so much. I have no appetite, I can't laugh. He also text me on the 1st & 2nd day, but I did not reply. I don't want to make this 1 week become meaningless, so I am hanging on, not to reply to his text. But I really miss him a lot. I feel like without him, I will go back to the old me, the one that want to drink, go club, go siam tiu with my friend. So I can feel that I am living. He may not be perfect, but he is the first guy that makes me feel loved. I went to the temple to "chou qian", but I don't understand what is the meaning. The "qian" was asking me to wait. And when I surf the net to check out the meaning, one of the "stranger" saying that the "qian" was saying that the current guy is not my future, thr is someone else who is better than him will appear sooner or later. I was really sad when I read this, I felt heart pain. I don't want any other guy, just him in my life is all I am asking for. I don't expect a lot, I just wan him to be able to lov me, dote me and my family, able to earn $3000 and abv per mth on 5 working days job, healthy, and let my family like him. Is that so hard? If I can earn $3000 and abv per mth, and he also, then I believe it's not a hard things for us to lead a normal life in future. His family bg is also one of the headache..his brother need special care, means we need to spend money on him in future. I am scare all this problem will come to me one day. I dunno what to do. I am confused. He is just a Nitec cert with no "N" lvl education. His eng is poor. I dunno if I can depend on him in future. What shld I do? I am not looking down on him, definitely not. I am just worrying that future our rs might change becos of all these problem. If this would be the case, I rather things start to change now. And not until when things can't be return back. Did anyone hear that I am shouting for HELP?! Stop pushing me...I am now left with no step. I can't step front, I can't step back. I don't want to lose any of my lov ones.
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
3:11 PM Y
Learn to cherish, before it's late
♥ You'll never know the real me.
Somehw, I like him more and more each day. The way he treated me, the way he giv in to me, the way he...alot. I dunno hw long these can last, I dunno when it will change and turn faded, I hope it's nv..but, things are unpredictable. So I am nt confident at all. I can juz treasure watever it is nw. I am...enjoying being cared and concerned by him. I am nt pushing it away anymore lik the starting. I am nw beginning to accept him and trying to improve him. I like him, so I hope he can be a better person. Regardless he will change to someone else anot I dun care. It's juz nw, right at this moment, tat we are fated to be tgt. One day, things might change, bt memories won't. If somehw we are lucky enough to live happily tgt in future..well...tat's about future. Yrs later...! But, thr's a prob between us nw. He juz started to strive for the future, so it might take him some time. And as for me, I am a introvert person, and facing his family..well...I dunno hw to say tat kind of feeling..it is like "dislik". Frm wat he told me abt his family, I really feel unfair to him. I dun wan to say tat to him as I am afraid he might have hard feeling. Bt he is still very care and concern abt his family, understandable. I wun wan a unfilial guy as well. Hai...really dunno hw to face his family, dunno wat to talk and wat to say. Somehw I tink I am alrdy blacklisted by his family. As he always come to my hse and I only meet his family once, somemore is tgt wif my family as it was somehw being forced to meet by him. There is once tat his mum even say I teach him bad, as his mum borrowed money frm him and he rejected as he is oso abit tight, and his mum say isit taught by me? He told me after I forced him to say out wat happen. And my first expression is "-.- wat the hell". But I didn't show it to him, cos I noe it's not his fault, he even told his mum off. In the end, he still borrow money to his mum. He had been independent since young, I dunno why his parents dun help him to save those money tat they are supposed to giv him bt they nv. And as for "B", I tink he is alrdy happily wif his gf, they hav been tgt lik for..4 yrs? He hav gt his happiness, and I shld hold on to mine bah. Shld start to see the stars and stop picking the stone. Working life as usual, family life..so long my jie tat part can resolve and make her waked, it will be great. The whole family is juz so bothered by her selfishness tinking and act. To be true, if she is juz a friend, I will nt even bother to giv a damn after so many times of disappointment. It's lik stepping ur trust on the floor and smash it. Until u cannot see wat trust is all abt. LET'S HOPE THINGS WILL GET BETTER! "Someday, everything will all make perfect sense. So for nw, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding urself that everything happens for a reason".
Sunday, August 05, 2012
10:30 PM Y
Learn to cherish, before it's late
♥ You'll never know the real me.
I am getting more and more disappointed with everyone around me.The most person I am disappointed with is myself.Cos I supposed,i am the one who is stupid to keeps on believing they are true.Bt the truth is they dun deserve me to be true.They onli try to being "care and concern" as they are ur friend,not becos they really do.Get out of my life if u are trying to be fake.I dun wan to be influence.Many things bothering me,yea...and u are one of them too..cos of ur hypocrite,tat bothers me too.Bt nt gg to anymore.Wan to be fake,then ok sure..i will entertain ur "fake".
Saturday, May 19, 2012
11:00 PM Y
Learn to cherish, before it's late
♥ You'll never know the real me.
It's suck man,this job is getting bad to worst,worst to CMI.-.- I am so so so angry wif tat idiot f**ker asshole evil penguin.Damn him,asshole,ass ass hole!!Hai.Angry up to the max seriously.I hav been trying to be patience to everyone in the co.,but cos of this idiotic fellow,i almost lost my temper out of it.KNN!Wat the hell he's trying to do?Really trying to follow trying to help?Or trying act trying to take revenge?Cos u lose to us at the first changes,so this one u die die wan to win,wan us to follow?SUPPORT MANAGER?!What shit is this position?I dun even noe.Dun laugh die me man,U DUN EVEN RESPECT MY MANAGER!U skip through my manager to tell me wat to do.U can juz simply quit ur job and go study more larHx!Use mouth say who dunno?!Ask u come here follow process uh?SHIT LARHX!Who dunno?Follow oso muz see if it works smooth anot wat!Bodoh isit?!Juz becos my boss manager stand on ur side and u can act big uh?F**CKER!GO BACK TO UR PLACE LARHX!We dun need u to be here oso can work till very well.Maybe actually we can pass the audit,bt becos of ur stupid changes and we failed at the end of the day.Cos u keep on changing changing changing!Change until we dun even noe wat's right and wat's wrong?U are nt discussing abt the changes neither saying it in a proper manner!U ARE FORCING THE CHANGES WIF UR STUPID LOGIC WHICH I HAV TO FOLLOW JUZ BECOS MY POSITION IS LOWER THAN U BT NT BECOS I AM AGREE WIF U!Ask u to explain why the changes,u can't even explain and giv wat stupid laughing face and say wat stupid words.I noe wat u wan me to do,i understand wat u wan the changes to be.I WAN NOE WHY MUZ CHANGE AND NT I DUN UNDERSTAND!U are the dumb one ass!SO WAT U NOE MORE?U HIGHER POSITION?NO EQ,GT IQ OSO WILL FALL SOMEDAY!I wait and see tat day to arrive in ur face!SEE HW ARROGANT U CAN BE ON TAT DAY :/.F**king mad,i rush back frm lunch with my colleague at JP juz to listen to ur crap and see ur LJ face?Spoil my mood,spoil my day asshole.I am nt trying to debate,i am juz explaining the difficulties i will face if u wan to follow ur process.Wat do u mean tat u dun care?We die die hav to do it no matter wat,even if we hav to manually write,we hav to?Then wat the new system implemented for?Then why u hav to be here for?Wat kind of support is tat?Get lost larHx!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
3:07 PM Y
Learn to cherish, before it's late
♥ You'll never know the real me.
我又失恋了，那感觉好孤单好难受。第二次，好笑吧。我在也不要去承受这种痛苦了。每次受伤的总是我。就算我上辈子是个花心大萝卜，伤害了多少人，也够了吧！我不要在相信有什么梦幻的爱情了。
Thursday, March 29, 2012
11:53 PM Y
Learn to cherish, before it's late
♥ You'll never know the real me.
I chatted with him today,using someone else identity.So he have moved hse,to cck nw,near yew tee.No wonder,i didn't get to see you this few yrs,and you are still in army,left 10 more mths.You have a breakup,and this time,u feel the unbearable,u feel sad.Chatting with u,is lik normal,no more those kind of feeling,becos no more feeling,too long nv see or becos i noe i am nt chatting using my own identity so there is no point?If i had a chance to met u and be tgt with u,hmm...tat's interesting,hw would i react?But i doubt i am tat lucky.Haha.Chatted with u abt another him,him2.LOL..and telling u the whole story abt me and him2,and asked u abt he give me a call tat midnite,wat does tat mean,u actually told me it mean nothing,lol.Cute uh.Then after further explaination,you say maybe he miss me suddenly.Hm...u keep saying ignore him after u noe the situation,u say facing a person u lov but dun lov u back shld not continue to lov,u say use time and refrain to resolve the emotional.Haha...i appreciated that.Thanks.I hope i will listen to u.Although u dunno who i am,but even if u noe,it makes no diff,to u,i am juz as gd as a stranger.LOLOLOL
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
11:25 PM Y
Learn to cherish, before it's late
♥ You'll never know the real me.
Serious shit!Today headache like hell,dunno why?I feel so tired recently,its physically or..mentally?Feeling emotional as always,but today got worst I guess?So,to cool down tat feeling,I walked home after work.Tat path,it reminds me of so much memories,hav the feel of wanna cry,but,i did not.I dunno why.Tat path,got K.C.J.E,got Bryan,got family too.It's juz a path frm jp to my home,yet..it can let me hav so much so much of memories.Whenever I walk tat path,it's juz a kind of happy feeling brings with some sadness.I think it is becos all the memories are sweet,but all are bygones.No longer can lead the same memories again,yea..I juz got to move on.Life still goes on.Nth will stop for me acting tis way.So,pls..."myself",stop behaving tis way.U can do it.Lock ur heart.It's all past.All past.
