Tuesday, March 04, 2014
7:26 PM Y
Learn to cherish, before it's late
♥ You'll never know the real me.
It's has been real long, since I last blogged. A lots of things happened. My grandma(Father's side) passed away recently. On the 26 Feb 2014, my grandma left. Just like my dad, my grandma did not mention anything before she left, she passed away in SGH. I was working halfway and intended to take half day leave on that day to visit her in the hospital, but little did I expect, I received a call at 10 am, telling me my grandma decease. I burst out of tears in my office and told my boss abt my loss. My boss helped me to call for cab and I return home straight away. On 2 Mar, my grandma funeral ends, everyone's was sad. On 3 Mar, went to pick my grandma bone, and she was placed at An le shan zhuang, with my dad, and my grandpa was put tgt with my grandma. Well...I felt so stressed recently, I have finally walked out of being lonely, being the person who secretly admired someone that I can nv have for 10 yrs plus. The full story was, I was dating with this guy, LSW(initial) . We start to chat on fb on 8 Apr 2012, go out tgt on May 2012, and start to try on dating on 1 Jan 2013. For a yr and 2 days, 3 Jan 2014, I agreed to officially be his gf. Though we quarrel quite often on year 2013, but he still doted on me. Just dunno what the hell was happening, on the year of 2014, things started to changed. It's only Mar of the year, we alrdy quarrel till very jialat for a few times. I already dunno how to maintain this rs. I also dunno what had caused all these unnecessary quarrel. I can't imagine hw it gonna be in future if we dun resolve this problem. My family is also one of the problem for my rs. They always ask me to look properly. They always hav something to say abt my bf. I don't understand why. I am not saying my bf hav no negative side. But, I believe he hav his positive side as well. It's like fate is making a fun of us, my family just can read the gd side of him. Especially since my jie new bf entered into my family. They became worst, they became bias. I have my own eyes to see what's right, what's wrong, who's right, who's wrong. They can say I am blinded by lov, but I am clear I am not. I tell the situation to my friend, to one of my cousin, and their comment giv me more confident to say I am not. My jie bf is more older, he noe hw to speak, how to act. My bf don't. He also don't have car, don't earn much. Me and my bf are getting tired, initially he requested me to giv him 3 days, to think and sort things out, I told him to make it 1 week, and so..we give each other 1 week time to be alone. To see if we are really still impt to each other. Nobody noe, only me and him. Today is the 2nd day, I started to miss him so much. I have no appetite, I can't laugh. He also text me on the 1st & 2nd day, but I did not reply. I don't want to make this 1 week become meaningless, so I am hanging on, not to reply to his text. But I really miss him a lot. I feel like without him, I will go back to the old me, the one that want to drink, go club, go siam tiu with my friend. So I can feel that I am living. He may not be perfect, but he is the first guy that makes me feel loved. I went to the temple to "chou qian", but I don't understand what is the meaning. The "qian" was asking me to wait. And when I surf the net to check out the meaning, one of the "stranger" saying that the "qian" was saying that the current guy is not my future, thr is someone else who is better than him will appear sooner or later. I was really sad when I read this, I felt heart pain. I don't want any other guy, just him in my life is all I am asking for. I don't expect a lot, I just wan him to be able to lov me, dote me and my family, able to earn $3000 and abv per mth on 5 working days job, healthy, and let my family like him. Is that so hard? If I can earn $3000 and abv per mth, and he also, then I believe it's not a hard things for us to lead a normal life in future. His family bg is also one of the headache..his brother need special care, means we need to spend money on him in future. I am scare all this problem will come to me one day. I dunno what to do. I am confused. He is just a Nitec cert with no "N" lvl education. His eng is poor. I dunno if I can depend on him in future. What shld I do? I am not looking down on him, definitely not. I am just worrying that future our rs might change becos of all these problem. If this would be the case, I rather things start to change now. And not until when things can't be return back. Did anyone hear that I am shouting for HELP?! Stop pushing me...I am now left with no step. I can't step front, I can't step back. I don't want to lose any of my lov ones.
