SinCe tHe dAy..hW dO i sMiLe whEn mY rEaL happiNeSs hAs gOnE...

Saturday, January 31, 2009

9:46 PM Y

Learn to cherish, before it's late

♥ You'll never know the real me.

Morning feeling so sick and headache,planned to go cityhall today bt mum say she dun wan go,then after one big round then she agree to go,bt between tis "one big round",she said some words and make me actually feel kinda sad,she say one of the reason she dun wanna go is becos i always go out happy happy bt time to go home i sure giv attitude,bt thr is reason inside..isit becos i nv say tat's why u always tink u r rite?Sometimes is becos of sis and bro,lik it was nt my fault bt they suddenly beat me for fun bt i am nt in the mood "for fun" and i beat back then start to quarrel bt the person get scolded for wrong is me,sometimes is i wanna see sumthing in the shop bt i haven finish then u juz went off without telling me,is tat my fault for being angry?Maybe i am too "xiao qi",bt i oso dun lik to be tis way everytime,do u noe the feeling of me being frustrated everytime?My head will get very very pain until it was lik gg to burst and tat's the reason i do sumthing stupid,nt i wan bt tat's the way i can make myself feel better,u noe?U dunno,dad noe..he wun let me get angry cos he understand wat i wan,maybe..tat's the reason i become tis way,cos i was being pamper by dad in the past.Before gg to cityhall...bro,sis and me quarrel..i hope i can stop all tis,cos i noe..mum hate to see it,and if dad is around,tis wouldn't be the way he wan to see too,bt why...we noe tat we still do it.I often let thing be the way it's gg to be,cos i always use "it's heaven will" as the excuse,is it really heaven will..or human will?I oso dunno,i get to miss dad more and more tis few days,i can see dad face when i close my eyes,bt i can't hug him,i can't touch him.I often suddenly tink of the second last time dad stay hospital,tat midnite..is the day dad get slight stroke,uncle drive him to hospital,me and mum follow,bt dad went in and mum and me went home,although dad midnite went bt morning then get to see the doctor,so he stay in the hospital then noon..bro,sis,me and mum went to visit dad,when we reach,dad went to bathing,so we wait for him in his sickbed,he came back..his lunch is served,thr r fruit,honeydew..dad give us eat,then next day he was discharge and we went to fetch him,hw i hope the last time was lik tat too,bt it was nt...dad didn't leave wif us,he leave himselves..dad,we love u,we miss u.