SinCe tHe dAy..hW dO i sMiLe whEn mY rEaL happiNeSs hAs gOnE...

Monday, November 21, 2011

11:46 PM Y

Learn to cherish, before it's late

♥ You'll never know the real me.

I have been saying,have been tinking,tat i wanna leave tis co.,leave tis job,blah blah blah.And so..juz a few mins back,i am at one of the website looking for job vacancy,bt...something's shocked me,i suddenly have a feeling of reluctant to.I can't imagine leaving tis co.,hw would it be.Will i found a better job or a job tat is worst than wat i am doing nw,is leaving tis co. and look for other job really wat i want?I doubt so.I dunno.I feel so complicated rite nw.My feelings have been running around tis few wks.It's lik,a feeling tat i cannot explain.Bt the onli word i can define tis feeling is,pain.Cos it's a feeling which makes me wanna cry.Pls save me.It's either u kill me or u save me,dun tortured me.I hav been leading a hard life which i can't imagine wat i would do next.Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me,i wan an ans.

Monday, November 14, 2011

11:26 AM Y

Learn to cherish, before it's late

♥ You'll never know the real me.

On the 12 nov,thr's co. chalet organised by my department(warehouse),me and my boss organised everything.At first,everything was fine.Although it rains bt in the end,rain stopped.And,ppls who are invited came.Then,the crowd was thr,out of sudden,i juz feel lik being alone,so went to the beach for a walk,sit thr,trying to relax myself,bt dunno why..my heart feel ache,i go back to the chalet and hope i would get some merrier frm thr bt i feel worst,so i went back to the beach again,for quite sometime.Tink of the past,when my cousin celebrated her 21st thr,my dad drive me frm whitesand to aloha,at the swimming pool,while taking the video of my uncle and the kid my mum take care of,in the swimming pool,my dad was beside laughing so loud.Cool down abit,go back to the chalet,and finally get some entertainment frm some colleague's,then suddenly,something happened,somebody was drunk in the chalet,and then it spoiled the chalet,though most of them was back,all the big bosses has oso lefted,bt...i and a few colleagues still thr,overall,tis chalet didn't enjoy much,it looks lik it was a success one,bt..to me,it was nt,cos of those happening,and so...my plan to spend thr overnight changed,i went home wif the colleagues tat hav no intention to stay thr overnight at abt 5am plus in the morning.Wif the moody mood.Telling myself,i will nv organise co. chalet anymore,or nt,i will nt attend.Unless thr is a better reason for me to go for such "entertainment".

13 Nov
Believing it would onli bring complication to my life,bt...no matter hw much i choose nt to believe,i can't run away frm the fact that they gain nth for lying,they lose nth for lying,they hav no reason to lied to us.No matter it's true or not,i tell myself if my lov life really gonna suffer or even bring unhappiness to my family,then i would rather choose not to lov,nt to fall in lov and nt to let somebody lov,bt...i am afraid i can't do it,bt frm nw on,i muz try,i muz do it,i am nt gonna fall in lov trap again,falling in lov with somebody is onli giving that person authority to hurt you.Bt,it's my dad part that makes me keep on tinking till i keep on dropping tears.I can't accept that i hav to lose my dad,ytd that conversation let me worried that after i leave tis world,i oso can't find my dad,let me worried that thr is no more next life with my dad,mum,bro,sis and me together as one family again.Why we hav no right to choose?Why everything muz be destined for us since the day we are born?It toally sounds lik we are the chess of the god.Whr we go,hw we live,what we do,when are we gg to die,all are decided by heaven,decided by don't know which god.And tis god is really unfair,it let somebody suffer till wanna end tis life asap,it let somebody rich till wanna live till long live and nv die.It let somebody who wan a son get a daughter,it let somebody wan a daughter get a son.It let the kind person being bully,it let the evil person being protected.So it indirectly created a evil mindset in human's heart isn't it?All are human,why can't everyone be the same?I dun mean same character,same faces,same voice,same attitude,i onli mean hav the same kind of heart,same human nature.Won't do things tat's so inhuman,hav some heart,though i am human,bt i am oso scare of human,nt onli other's,bt oso myself,cos i dunno one day,what would occurs me,what would infect me,i dunno hw will i turn to be in future,bt if i am able to decide,i will nv wan myself to turn to a bad person.